Where to Start

Petal: Hello, Ardelia? Of course it is. I’m calling to tell you that my granddaughter Daisy had her baby yesterday, and named her after herself. I love her name, but they’ll have to find a nickname for her or there will be some confusion there.

Ardelia: That’s wonderful. I sure wish we’d have a baby in our family. There’s just nothing like holding one, is there?

Petal: Absolutely nothing. Well, how are you? Anything new?

Ardelia: Well, where to start? I was going to tell you about Big Pearl’s first haircut. The before and after pics are pretty shocking. Then there’s the news about my body’s latest idea of a joke. I slipped on a teensy piece of ice, caught myself before I could fall, and put it out of my mind. About 36 hours later, all the muscles on the right side of my back gathered together to punch me as hard as they could, causing my knee to buckle, and forcing me to scream and holler for about an hour, or until some medicine kicked in. I would tell you what medicine, but since I took everything in the house it would just be a guess.

Petal: Oh, my word, dear. Did you go to the doctor? Taking everything in the house might not be the best approach. I hope you had help.

Ardelia: Yes, my grandson Boo was home. He came running upstairs to check on me, never having heard me shriek and scream like someone in a sci-fi movie. I’m not sure if he had ever seen someone in that kind of pain before, but we were both pretty pale for a little while there. He actually saved what was left of my sanity. He’s very calm and patient, and allowed me to scream right in his face without cracking.

Petal: Are you alright now, dear? What did the doctor say? Surely they will want to do tests or something. Remember that I’ve had two back surgeries & countless tests & x-rays.

Ardelia: Well, I finally called the doc today. I was completely symptom-free for two days, assumed that I was well, and took the family to supper to celebrate last night. On the way home, my diabolical back sent me a mighty warning, and by the time I got home it had me on my knees. I crawled to my chair, sincerely wishing that I hadn’t moved all those huge plastic containers in the basement, and had skipped the four or five trips to the basement to do laundry. I was on my knees in front of my chair when I heard this powerful voice say, “I am your body, I am your captain, I decide what will hurt and when, and don’t ever forget it again!”

Petal: You must have been terrified! What did you do?

Ardelia: I think I just said, “Yes, maam”.